The home of Bungle (Paul) and his mad rantings

Tuesday, August 31, 2004


Well as of today im back on a diet..
Its not something im looking forward too as those of you that know me will know I love my food..
But I have to lose some weight as none of my clothes fit,and I don't intend to buy yet another new wardrobe, so will have no option but to diet and fit in to the stuff I already have..

So I will be short tempered and obnoxious for awhile now..And yes before anyone replies..No change there then.

But once I get back into it I will be fine..Though giving up the booze will be harder this time round
but it will be worth it in the end when I have lost 4 stone...I hope...

Tonight we are back on the househunting treadmill again so any of the nasty house's we may see will not be seen through red wine glasses ..Oh dear...

Monday, August 30, 2004

Mango Out The Nose

Well its FLM here again with another guest spot on Bungles's Blog. It has been quite a few days recently with Bungle meeting the fruits of my hetro loins. He was a quiet little Bunny and made sure he growled all the right words to the little darlings. We went for a meal and a film (he hated the film and yawned very loudly all the way through the scarey bits). The kids, my 18 year old daughter and 13 year old son warmed to him immediately...well not so much warmed as looked on in astonishment....well not so much astonishment as complete horror. I am only kidding he was marvelous and so were they in such a potentially awkward situation.

On Sunday we were up in the wilds of the North (Colchester) and he met my eldest son, 21, and his girlfriend. This went quite well too...it was a nice Sunday. We were also visiting an old friend of Bungles who I am sure will never have us in her house again. Actually considering we were visiting her she spent most of the two days we were there out visiting other people...make of that what you will...she did cook a lovely caserole though.

I think she was treading very carefully with us as Bungle had warned me she was a right wing nazi...I looked for any Swastikas etc but there were none to be found and she was very nice...well except for wanting to poison all the foxes. In the evening of the first day Bungle went to get ready for bed...I did not think this was odd...little did I know what was to follow.
He returned to the Living room in a vertical black and white striped 'moo moo' (like a tent with a hole for the head)...it looked like it had been bought at a Concentration Camp's gift shop. He was naked underneath and proceeded to have great fun in exposing what looked like a strangled chicken sitting on a pair of hairy grapes. Poor Sandra...but in actual fact she took very little notice which makes me think this is a regualr event for the Colchester shires.

We did have a good time though and managed to laugh for the whole weekend.
Today (Monday) we popped to the local shops and had a coffee.Bungle had a Mango Iced drink. During the coffee he decided to exhale Mango through his nostils all over me and down a white shirt...I have decided it is really like dating a hairy retard....but I have to say I would not be with anyone else.
Thats the end of this Blog from me...all in all a very enjoyable week with more fun and games to come....I wonder if Bungle will tell you all about the Senokot?

Todays blog

Todays blog will be guest hosted by the FLM ...at some point when he can be bothered to get out of bed..


Friday, August 27, 2004


Well today is the day that I meet the FLM's children,well 2 of them.
And am I nervous? .....

Of course I am..Everyone says relax just be you it will be fine....
But all my friends also tell me how horrible I am,so that's not filling me with confidence..LOL

The FLM is appearing to be as cool as a cucumber....Which is apt as he left for work this morning looking like one..More later..

So I now have the whole day to panic and try various outfits on to decide what I look least gay in,which is very difficult when all I have is checked shirts and very young t.shirts that would look great on a 21 year old who was 8 stone lighter than me.

But even with my nerves and trepidation I have to say I am looking forward to the event,were going for a meal and a film.

Im assuming that with the FLM as a father they will at least be polite and funny even if they hate me....

Right to close today's blog the FLM bought a lovely pair of new jeans this week in a nice olive colour,which I teamed with a nice green/olive checked shirt and he looked ..G.O...gorgeous..But He feels a bit daft..May post a picture of the outfit and take votes..LOL

PS as we're away for the weekend there will be no new entries til monday..


Thursday, August 26, 2004

Mr Mop

Today I shall mainly be doing housework,the FLM and I have invited a certain piggy for dinner this evening,im sure he will comment on this in his blog at some point,let me assure you what I tell you about the evening tomorrow will be true..Unlike his version of events...

So armed with a shopping list and orders the FLM will go to sainsburys in his lunch-hour to get all that I need to throw together something for the fussy little veggie.

I have decided to make a Greek salad as im hoping that even I can do that without mucking it up,those who know me will testify that cooking is not one of my better talents...Yes piggy I hear you ask what F........ Talents do I have....

So I have put the washing on,will be hoovering later with a Hoover that im sure was on the Titanic,tis a shame that it didn't sink with it,and the bloody cast from the film..That's 3 hours of my life that I will never see again....Sorry I digress ..(I hate the film)

And I might even move the sitting room around..im hoping that the FLM doesn't read today's blog,til I have made up my mind.

If he does then of course I wont move anything darling....

Maybe more later when I have done some chores...

Wednesday, August 25, 2004


Im the sort of person that has to have a plan, I don't really like doing things on the spur of the moment I need to know im in control of any given situation,and this usually works out ok...

Until yesterday when my Tuesday routine went very very wrong,I go to lines and bears with Stuart at 7pm where we meet various friends and of course the FLM,but for many reasons it didn't work out that way,so a new plan was needed for me to make my own way from Hornchurch to Richmond...

A simple enough change of plan you would think, and for a normal person im sure it would have been.

But im ashamed to say I have an irrational fear of public transport,if im traveling with someone else I can usually mask it and feel ok,but left to do it on my own and I have panic attacks and go to pieces.

This was the case yesterday as the whole trip had to be arranged in about an hour,which in a way was better or else given longer I would have wound myself up to such a state I wouldn't have been able to make the journey.

As it was I spent the next hour or so shaking and crying,and hating myself for feeling so stupid for being like that.

Once on the tube which was packed with West Ham fans going to a match which didn't help matters,once they had got off, things were slightly easier I was able to watch a DVD(Queer As Folk) maybe not the best choice for a a trip on the district line,with people looking over and seeing what seemed to be just the sexual content.

The whole journey took about an hour and 50 min,but seemed to last twice that I was sweating and stressed the whole time.

But im pleased to say that I did it and felt some degree of satisfaction that I had..

Having said that though its not something will be in a rush to do again.

Tuesday, August 24, 2004


When i first told ian and stockycubz about the concept of blogging i had a small niggling feeling that they might think it a very strange thing to do ....
And maybe even just laugh at me.

Little did i know how much they would actually get from blogging in their own right im sure they have found it to be a very useful medium to expell some demons from the past,something i had not considered using the blog for,but soon realised that its a great way to use it.

After reading Ians blog today made me realise how important the whole idea of this could be and for once i was lost for words and didnt want to make any silly comments that would belittle the impact of what i had read,for those of you that read my blog and maybe not Ians please take the time to read his last few entries..Thanks


Monday, August 23, 2004


Firstly I want to thank the FLM for his guest blog on Sunday..Most of it was fine..It wasn't a bogey!
I feel like im turning into a Stepford wife,im seeing good in everyone..God that pisses me off..
I normally see the worst in people then maybe look for something good..Which has always worked for me.

But now I seem to always be smiling and happy..Its just not right..

Over the last 3 days I have spent a lot of time with family and friends,the friends are always welcome company the same cant be said for family, I normally find a reason to not spend much time with them but even yesterday was ok..Mind you it was only for 4 hours and I was eating for most of it so that helps!

FLM was as expected his usual charming self and today I have had various texts from said family and friends telling me how lovely he is and how lucky I am...If one more person says that he is so dumped!

I am late putting on today's blog as I have had a lovely lunch with someone I hate saying is a good friend but will deny this if asked...

I then went and had afternoon tea with my next door neighbour she made some lovely fairy cakes...Is she trying to tell me something??....

Sunday, August 22, 2004

FLM's Guest Spot

Well its FLM here guest blogging for Bungle...Personally I think he's making a rather big deal of the dry skin episode...But more of that later.
As Bungle has said we have been househunting...Well I have been househunting and Bungle has been organising and belittling the occupants and the Estate Agents. We saw some nice places but none of them matched his expectations....So its on hold for a while.

Some interesting things have happened since I came 'out' to friends and family...One of the biggest suprises was how well everyone took the news...Something tells me they suspected, hard to believe I know as I am a terribly butch and together man - maybe, just maybe the fear of Moths and most sea creatures, together with an alphabetised CD collection just gave the game away...Oh not to forget the obsession with Diana Ross.

Whilst we were visiting all these flats and houses we took a quick break in sunny Staines to grab a snack by the river...A delicious home made sandwich and a glass of Witches Tit ale. We consumed this eagerly with an inner desire to continue househunting. Little did we realise that half of the said sandwich had mysteriously become stuck to Bungles cheek and further to this he had acquired a rather nasty bogie that had positioned itself just under the right nostril....(ITS NOT A BOGIE....ITS DRY SKIN !!!!) this kind of made his rantings at Estate Agents and frightened housewives somewhat invalid...Luckily we saw the funny side of it.

On Friday Bungle meets number 3 child...We call him Joe. We are going to take him to a horror film so as to lessen the blow of seeing daddy with a Monkey for a lover....I think this will be a complete success as he will be traumatised by the film and oblivious to any sexual connections between myself and my hirsute boyfriend. I am such a good parent. More to come about this.

Today I met some of Bungles family. We had a nice meal in Brentwood and celebrated a family birthday. They were all very nice and friendly except for the elderly gentleman...The grandfather...Who I am sure wanted me roasted on a spit along with all the other poofs Bungle had inflicted on this poor family...All in all a lovely day.

Well that's about it. Bungle will be back in the hot seat tomorrow....That's if the dry skin does not take over.

Saturday, August 21, 2004

Tomorrows Blog.

Sundays blog will be guest hosted by the FLM he has decided that he has a few things he wants to say.....
I have told him that I can edit anything im not happy with.

I have spent the best part of the day clearing out a storage cupboard under the stairs that I have filled with junk,all to look for a couple of things that I know are in there,but cant put my grubby fingers on..

Everytime I go in there I say im going to throw most of it out and start again but that never happens,instead I try and locate what im looking for then throw everything back and shut the door.

The rest of the day I plan on doing nothing,just watching crap TV and maybe having a girlfriend over for supper later.

Sunday we will be having a family dinner when the FLM will meet the few remaining relatives I actually still have any contact with...Think addams family only more scary..
Im sure the FLM will report more on his guest page Sunday.


Friday, August 20, 2004

Fridays child

I don't know why but I always look forward to the weekend,I have no reason to do this really I haven't worked for a long time so the thought of the impending two days of isn't the same for me as for most people.

But in an odd way its almost like a fresh start again to the new week ahead,even though the forthcoming week will be no different to the past week.

I think following on from an earlier blog entry in the week,im ready for my life to change,but for various reasons beyond my control at the moment it cant.

I feel that I need to be a real person again,something that I don't think I have felt for a long time,this in part is due if im honest to being involved with the FLM as in my past relationships there has never been an equal partnership due to either me being too controlling or for the other men not being the person I had thought/hoped they were,so I have always lost faith in them and moved on (some friends would say to quickly) but I think you know very early on if something feels right or not.

Since being with the FLM though I have realized that not every relationship has to be based on who has the most power in it etc,and despite some early insecurities on my part (groundless) I hasten to add I really do feel that I have met a great man,that I don't need to be play games with and that I really can just be myself with (good or bad)and he will not judge me for it.

This is all new for me,so im hoping that I don't follow my usual self destruct path and mess it up.

Its odd as this blog entry took a different slant to what I had intended it to,so I hope it doesn't seem too disjointed.

So to close with the way it started....Thank god its Friday!


Thursday, August 19, 2004

Nothing to say..

Well today is one of those days that I have nothing to say..

All I have done is get up watch trash TV,spoke to estate agents that don't listen,and eat..

So apart from the estate agents no change in my day at all..

Though later I shall be cooking for the third time this year(poor FLM)
will have to endure it again.
And before that I shall be ironing...I don't think I can take so much excitement in one day...

I might even Hoover if I can fit it in..But I somehow doubt it.

Were going to view a house later that looks lovely so will no doubt be bloody awful when we venture inside.
And tomorrow we are going to have a second viewing on a flat that is very nice....But...


Wednesday, August 18, 2004

Self image

I found it really interesting yesterday whilst out with friends to discover that someone who I consider to be a very good looking handsome man has the same doubts and issues about himself that I do about me.

What I see when I look at him is a very together,kind funny man,and as I say a very attractive man.

And if im honest it was quite refreshing to find out whilst chatting that he didn't see the same,as this made him even more attractive.

If only we could see ourselves as others see us,only of course if they see us better than we see ourlseves..LOL.

On different track now,FLM and I have been spending the day viewing houses, I never realized how much fun it could be snooping round peoples houses and bring hyper critical and not care..

Though im not sure FLM found it quite as much fun as me,he being a lot kinder and nicer than me,he left each set of homeowners thinking an offer would be imminent.

Tuesday, August 17, 2004

A New Day..

I awoke this morning feeling much brighter than I have in days,having slept well.
As Piggy so kindly pointed out to me last night,my life isn't really that exciting as I don't work etc so my days just merge into eachother,but for some strange reason im happy with it,I always seem to find stuff to fill my time.

But I have made a decision that I have to make a conscious effort to think about returning to work in the very near future,but as I have no idea what it is I even want to do that wont be easy.

So if any of you out there have any ideas please feel free to offer some suggestions..

And Mr Piggy im not gonna sleep with you for cash so don't even bother asking!

The most inventive idea may get a prize..But then again maybe it wont..

Monday, August 16, 2004


I am feeling slightly down today,have been for a couple of days.
I think all that's been happening over the weekend has had more of an effect on me than I realized it would.

But im pleased that its all over all the relevant people now know, so life should be easier.

I have also been to a residents meeting today as I am the chair for the residents committee, and had to deal with many minor complaints that on any other day would not have bothered me,but today really wound me up.

For instance....What time can the communal driers be put on....Who cares..
So I used my powers as chair and called the meeting to an early close and had a cup of tea.

I am now just gonna chill and do nothing..Yes piggy ..Just like any other day of my life!.


Sunday, August 15, 2004


Is it just a gay thing that when you find someone that you want to be with,suddenly you become more attractive to sleaze bags who then think its a good sport to try and get a shag.

I have had various messages from a guy that I met earlier in the year,when I was single,who I was attracted to,but have now made it clear that im very happy and don't want to lose what I have,his reaction has to been to ask "does that mean you wont pork me?" and they say romance is dead.

I have never understood the mentality of a wide section of the queer world that even if your involved with someone its fair game to sleep around..
I find it hard enough to find one man I want to be with let alone bits on the side.

Maybe im a relic from the dark ages (shut it piggy).
But being in a relationship has never been the be all and end all of my life so the mere fact that I am in one and very happy is more than enough for me.
So it does amaze me when others see it as fair game to try and mess that up,or think that the grass is greener on the other side.
In my experience all that's on the other side is weeds...
So endeth today's rant...LOL

Saturday, August 14, 2004


Im pleased to report that FLM has done the deed and told his children that he's a shirtlifter..
And they have taken it very well...As I say anyone who knows FLM will know he is a lovely man.
And that it would be hard to imagine them not being ok with it.

Im so happy have a had a grin from ear to ear since he told me..

Stealing the idea off Stocky's blog..It does make me realize how fortunate I have been in my life as a gay man.

I came out at 14 and have never been in the "closet" so I guess I don't fully understand how difficult it must be for others.

In my choice of career I was very lucky that my sexuality was never an issue and so therefore always open etc.

So to close today's bloggette..

I just want to say how pleased I am that all has turned out ok for the FLM...And I love him..

Ok you can all be sick now..

Friday, August 13, 2004


Well im not happy...this is the second time i have written this ..it took so long the first time that my session expired..damn...

When i first heard of this thing called Blogging via Mr Piggy i wasnt totally convinced that it would be something i would enjoy..He told me to give it a go...and how right he was.

Now 2 weeks later i have brought two friends into the Blogging family and they seem to enjoy it as much as i do..yay..

Im trying to convince the FLM to try his hand at it as im sure he would enjoy it and get a lot from it.

He has a very strange weekend ahead of him ..He's telling his 3 children and ex wife that he's gay..He as expected is very nervous about how they will react to the news,so im keeping everything crossed that it goes well,he's a lovely, special man and a great father so if he has raised his children to be anything like him im sure they will not give a damn..
But incase they do..BW if you have a lil spell tucked away that could make things easier it would be most appreciated..Thanks.


Thursday, August 12, 2004

Making judgments

After spending time on Gaydar for an hour or so yesterday I was amazed that some poofs could be so intolerant of diverse hobbies and interests.
A close friend of mine enjoys line dancing and goes to a tea dance on a Sunday...Both of which are not really my thing,but he enjoys it and that's fine..

During talking about this hobby in Bears room several "men" thought if fun to try and belittle my friend,I find this sort of thing really annoying,it alters there life in no way what others do for fun,one mans meat etc etc...

If I hadn't tagged along one Tuesday evening to line dancing I would never have met the FLM...
Something for which I guess I should be thankful for??..;O)
And of course I am!

What does it matter what any of us do for fun....Its the fun in life that makes it worthwhile so whatever we do to relax and enjoy is fine..
Long live line dancing!

Wednesday, August 11, 2004


I am becoming more and more intolerant of a certain friend of mine,each time I see him I like him less and less.
which is a shame as we used to be quite close.

He seems to think that he is so much better than everyone else and has a superior attitude that at times I want too slap him for....
Of course I wouldn't...hes taller than me...I couldn't reach.

So now I have to make a decisions as to whether I continue with trying to be friends or call it a day and move on..
FLM will I know say try harder and see what happens..And as its Wednesday the day that we have allocated him to think that he can make a decision etc I guess I may have to listen..Damn that man..I must change his pretend day.

Tuesday, August 10, 2004

Ok Its here.....

Well its been a quiet day on the range,I have been busy clearing up after a hectic weekend so lots of laundry and housework...So dull...

In between the excitement of the day so far, one of my elderly neighbours called me and said she was worried as she hadn't heard from her sick daughter and would I call the police....I said rather than that why didn't we call her and check she's ok ......I called... She was....

I don't want to get old.

I spoke to one of the hosts from the weekend BBQ last night to offer my apologies for my outrageous behavior...They hadn't noticed...
I dread to think how awful I must really be then..And I was hoping it was just the drink and the puff...


Monday, August 09, 2004

I,ve seen the future...And its green..

We got ourselves ready and made our way to the BBQ...
On the way I was force fed some lil slices of cake.....Which had a secret ingredient..

So once there and with booze added I sort of became a lil monster...
And just seemed to want to laugh and point at everyone who made me laugh and boy was there lots to laugh at...

The first person to become one of my poor victims was a lovely "middle" aged gent who was very camp and very OTT ..He was wearing a lovely pair of jade green Farrah slacks circa 1974...

and I had an awful vision of it being the FLM in few years time..God he is sooo dumped.

There seemed to be 3 distinct groups Us...The hetties..And the Octopus set....(small social group)

Im sure the other 2 groups will be invited back...
Im pleased tho that my theory about being easier to be two faced when pissed was sooo true..

Anyone having a party? I would love to come.....


Sunday, August 08, 2004

Brighton Pride...

We got up at 7.am to get ready for the day out....
Got to the Black Horse ready for the coach to pick us up,for the exciting day ahead in Brighton we left the pub at 10.am we got into Brighton at 1.pm...
Headed straight to the XXL tent and basically stayed there all day..My kilt /skirt was received with good revues...

Nothing much happened there so when it ended went to XXL London,where we stayed til 4 am..Myself and FLM were so so tired that we fell asleep for an hour...

Then up at 9.30 to prepare for afternoon BBQ at some friends....


Saturday, August 07, 2004

A night at the Kings Arms..

We set of for the road trip to Ka at 7.pm.....we got to the pub at 8.20..i have no sense of direction and so it would seem did neither of the 2 "men" in the car with me.....Thankfully FLM makes no secret of it and doesn't even try to pretend..The same cant be said for the other person in the car.......

Once at the said pub we walked straight into yet another one of "Funny lil mans" exes....For someone who has only been having sex with men for 3 years he has certainly been "friendly" with lots of men...How kind of him....

When to even more dampen the evening I was having to abstain from drinking as I was driving...
And then had to paint a smile on my face and try and be pleasant to 2 of the dullest men ever put into the gay world..Its such a shame that I recognize im so much better at being two-faced when pissed...

Thankfully the evening was mercifully short and we were back on the road by 23.10.....time of arriving home 00.25..the trip when im not driving takes 25 min..
The friend who was in the back seat is now very pissed and telling me im going the wrong way etc...I prayed for him to pass out on the back seat and low and behold 10 min later he had.....

Off to Brighton Pride today on a bus full of trannies....Piggy put the maribou trimmed top down it wont work with the flat heels....

Friday, August 06, 2004

Night at the Movies.

Please please please..
don't anyone waste time and money on seeing I Robot it is one of the worst films I have ever seen!
No script to speak of,no real acting and even the CGI was shoddy.

This morning FLM (funny lil man) and I were enjoying a moment of "intimacy"when out of the blue he started spouting lines from the movie the Exorcist..Thankfully not the scene with the crucifix..Should I be worried??

Funny lil man has gone to check on the fish..Please don't let them be dead..
I couldn't cope with the tears..And the shopping for new ones..IM sure they will be fine....

Thursday, August 05, 2004

Day Four

Funny lil man was asked by a friend to look after the goldfish for him,while friend was away..They had one of those blocks of food left in the tank.. But funny lil man decided that the fish looked hungry so then fed them some of the normal food...

And not just a pinch so I fear that the fish may be no more..

On his return from having birthday dinner with his children we sat down to watch one of his DVD's that I had bought for his birthday... Something called "Nearest and Dearest" a TV show from the mid 70,s of which I of course am far to young to remember..(shut up Piggy).

We got about 10 minutes into the DVD when "Funny lil Man" went a funny colour and started to choke so of course I did what any caring loving partner would do..I passed him a piece of paper and said sign this....Its so useful carrying a blank will, you never know when it will come in handy!

But thankfully he wasn't about to peg out but was just in hysterics from laughing so much at DVD,so the decision was taken to turn it off and watch at a later date...So I have the joys of Nellie Pledge and her antics to look forward too..


Wednesday, August 04, 2004

Day Three.

I am pleased to report that the "funny lil man" loved his tatt...and even gave me some tears of joy,which made it all worthwhile...:O)

The banners and balloons were well recieved (phew)

We went to Dukes last night for the weekly dose of line dancing...And for those that know me dont worry i dont dance i have a rule fat men shouldnt dance....its just wrong...

While we were there an ex of the "funny lil man" turned up...And i wasnt a happy poof ..the guy was very good looking, slim and tall..and im ashamed to say the green eyed monster in me surfaced..Thankfully not for long.

I put on the perfect facade of being fine with him chatting to said man and even bought him a drink with only the tiniest dash of rat poison added..

Actually it pains me to say the guy was very nice and friendly..he still wont ever be drinking out of my Denby though!

Tuesday, August 03, 2004

Well day two in the new bloggers house....

I have been into the little town of Hornchurch today to buy some last minute bits and bobs for the "funny lil man" I call my boyfriend.. I call him that as I have trouble remembering his name..

So anyway..(piggys fave word).. I decided that I wanted to get some lil treats for said man for his birthday on wednesday and £65 later I came home...with some awful tatt that I'm sure he will hate.. But hey, I like balloons and banners...

Being the sweet kind man he is, he'll feign excitement and interest...Bless..

Now I just have to wrap the tatt in the lovely wrapping paper I bought..

my day of hell

After a very interesting and lively weekend with an old friend and some hopefully new ones,which i met in a lovely old house in essex...they know who they are....

Then today i spent a day with a "friend" helping him to do some bits in his new flat...i swear i will never do anymore favours for him again..and if i do forget piggy has my permission to kick me..lol. On a positive note though i came back from there to find one of my elderly neighbours had taken my washing in for me and ironed it and left it outside my front door for me..just goes to show how kind some people can be.

This is my first blog entry so please be patient with me.