The home of Bungle (Paul) and his mad rantings

Wednesday, September 29, 2004


I have commited myself to making a stew for dinner on thursday,and at the time gave no thought to the fact that i have never made one and have no clue how to infact make one...

As a child they just appeared at dinner time with lovely dumplings.

So if anyone has an old family recipe that they can pass on to me and then i can pass of as mine i will be more than greatful.

Hamish the drag queen bin man...

He/She seems to have caused quite a stir,im sure im not the only one who found it very funny and in a way a compliment to the way the author feels about those mentioned,i saw it as a very affectionate piece,i would hope other do too.


Tuesday, September 28, 2004


Well it was quite a weekend all in all....Friday came around with the arrival of our son Ian from the black country.
He travelled south with a small suitcase and a note from his teacher that we were to be extra nice to hm due to the unfortunate incident in the school Gym and that nice PE teacher Mr Makepiece.
Sonny arrived at the station looking tired after such a long journey...prior to this I had been arranging a mortgage and getting totally fleeced by a slimy Estate Agent...thats a long story and not for the pages of this wonderful Blog.

The Weekend had started.
Ian was here and Bungle and I were ready to spin him round the dance floors of gay London.....Then....my youngest had to go into hospital. He is 13 and has been diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes. This means he has to have regular insulin injections...currently 4 times a day. His blood sugar is still high but is slowly coming down....it was a stressful time going back and forth to Kingston Hospital...but in all honesty the staff there, Doctors and Nurses were all fantastic and made his stay as easy as possible.

So back to the weekend....Ian was all excited at the prospect of finding some playmates and sharing some quality times with like-minded young gentlemen.

Saturday saw us all ready for some fun and games at one of Ian's clubs called XXL. It was a very busy evening there as they had celebrated a Birthday with cakes and clowns....funny really as a lot of the clowns seemed to stay there after the party.
Ian clutched his party bag to his shorts and went in search of some friends.

Bungle and I watched him with pride as he sauntered off into crowd skipping and singing 'Chirpy Chirpy Cheap Cheap'..what a happy young fellow he was.

Late that evening he was spotted talking to a man who had a job working for a plywood teeth manufacturer....seems a bit strange as he smoked and I would consider that a fire hazard...anyway the young man seemed impressed with young Sonny and soon he was travelling back to the wilds of Chertsey in my car.

Mummy (Bungle) and great pleasure introducing herself as Jeffrey Dahmer and me Colin Ireland laughing relentlessly as Sonny's playmate boarded the vehicle. It turned out that the playmate had taken a few Junior Disprin and was feeling a little under the weather.....

I have to say that Sonny has thoroughly tested my 'put u up'. The springs have had a good thrashing and lasted through with no visible damage.

Sunday saw me back at the hospital and Mummy and Sonny urging the plywood teeth man out the door...this they finally did in just enough time for Sonny to make his way to the local Scouts hut to find yet another playmate.

This one was a nice man....although he could have been employed by a hat company testing the outsize versions of their products.

Mummy and I cooked dinner for the two young scamps as they played Spirograph and giggled at naughty jokes. All seemed to be going well....
It seems that young Ian was not so impressed with the man with the oversized cranium. Despite him being a very nice hairy young fellow Sonny was not being won over....however he did give the 'put u up' one final thrashing for me...he is nothing if not thorough in his testing of that sofa.

The next day Sonny was ready to leave for the black country again. I think he had enjoyed himself whilst down in the smoke and eagerly looks forward to another visit soon.

Mummy and Daddy wiped their furrowed brows as they watched him hobble towards the station still singing a Middle of The Road classic.


Not sleeping..

Anyone got any tried and tested hints for me im having a great deal of trouble sleeping lately..so any ideas will be most helpful..

Its Here....

Good morning everyone..
I have not blogged for a couple of days as we had a busy weekend,Ian was here from friday til monday and so had to sort his sex life out..

On friday the FLM had a phone call from his youngest son,to tell him he was on his way to hospital, to have some tests and has since been diagnosed with having type 1 diabetes.

So now has to learn to manage it and control it rather than let it contol him
since this has happened we have read up a lot about it and it seems to be something that appears to be on the increase amongst the under 16s.

The FLM has gone back to work today,still very concerned as is to be expected.

i'm indoors doing the stepford wives thing..Well I will be after I have seen my daytime TV....


Monday, September 27, 2004

Guest blog

todays blog will be posted by the FLM very shortly.

Friday, September 24, 2004

Still dying...

Day two and im still dying ..so more TLC and hugs needed please....The FLM is taking the day off to nurse me ..ohh and to see a man about a mortgage...ohh and to take me shopping..

Thursday, September 23, 2004

Im dying...

Im not well,i woke up this morning with a runny nose and lots of sneezing...so i need lots of t. l .c and hugs....

Tuesday, September 21, 2004


Well the FLM has just bought his first home as an out gay man,and he is very nervous,as to be expected,but its a great flat and its the only one he has seen and not stopped thinking about ..so hopefully its the place he's meant to be living in.

So now starts the hassle and cash outlay etc.

5.30 am

I woke up at 4.30 and couldn't get back to sleep,all I could think was about how casually I had ended a friendship,and how sad it has left me feeling,although I do believe that everything has a shelf life,I was still shocked that I could make such a cold choice to do it,the said ex-friend sent me a message saying that he noticed I had ignored him when I saw him and that maybe in future for the sake of our mutual friends we could be at least polite to each other,and I thought yes that sounds like a good idea,so I replied saying such,and wishing him well with his new job etc....,and tried to give some reason as to why I thought it best to end our friendship,and thought no more about it til I woke up and then couldn't go back to sleep,hence being on here blogging at 5.30.

Once awake I thought back over the years to how other friendships had ended and I realised how cold and detached I was a person,I have let many friendships fall by the wayside for various reason,mostly I have to say from laziness when it was too much effort to phone when I got in from work or couldn't be bothered to make the effort to actually go out with them.

I then justified this by thinking surely everyone has done this we all change and want different things from people and to a certain extent outgrow some people.

But then in the midst of this thought my Mother came into my mind ,not something that happens often I have to say.
For those that know me will know that I left home at 16 and had no contact with her or my sister for 11 years,in that time I became the person I am today,rather than the person or non person I was until 16.

Then at 27 I decided that I was going to move to the USA and through word of mouth my mother heard about this and word got back to me that she was asking if I would see her before I left,I thought about it and realised that I was an adult now and could handle seeing her on my own terms.

So for nearly 3 years we kept up a sort of mother/son relationship with me feeling that I could put the past behind me and sustain the new found mother/son bond.

But after 3 years it dawned on me that infact i couldnt and indeed didnt even want too,in the years where I had no contact I prided myself on choosing my friends very carefully and I guess made myself a substitute family,and sadly she played no part in this.
And so when I was offered a new job which meant moving again I did this and stopped all contact and that has how its been til this day.

And although I stand my the choice I made then,it has made me think about myself and how cold and hard I have become as a man,that I can so easily cut people from my life that I feel dont belong in it,with no thought at all as to how they feel about it.

So to end this on some sort of positive note,i want to say that those people I have in my life now are very special to me and i'm very glad that they are in my life.

God anyone would think I was dying...I'm not I hasten to add..So you can all put away the sack cloth and ashes for now..

Saturday, September 18, 2004


It was the delightful stockycubz birthday on friday so the FLM and I took him to the holy land of Bluewater for some retail therapy and lunch...

We had decided to have tapas, as stockycubz and I both love it..FLM wasn't quite as keen and did say he would like a tuna salad..
of course he was outvoted..So we sat down and ordered plates and plates of tapas dishes..None of which FLM had heard of..Now most people have a few likes and dislikes..
FLM has the the weirdest issues with food..Including eggs,lamb,hard cheese,and various other harmless food stuffs..But to be fair he did try most of the food layed out..And enjoyed..

The three of spent most of the lunch laughing and giggling..At one point the FLM did manage to make a couple of ladies eat and run as they thought he was shouting at them...He of course wasn't..Just recounting a story to stockycubz..Loudly..

We then went to do said shopping..He decided that he wanted to buy a Cd he had heard a track off on the Johnny Walker show..More about the Cd later..
Whilst we were in the shop he said stay here just got to run upstairs..
I stayed as told too,when he returned he had bought me a copy of SIMS 2 ..Now I know that may sound dull but i'm a very sad man and it was only released yesterday and was already top of my wish list for xmas.
And lo and behold there it was in my grubby lil hand..
In my mind I was plotting how to get home ASAP..This plan didn't work he was wise to my every tactic..Damn him.

So we continued to shop...
We managed to bully FLM in to buying a couple of new tops he is hard work to get him to spend money on himself.

Finally we left to come home..

Once home I rushed to install the game this took ages and I was getting very frustrated,whilst I was waiting the FLM said I think I will put my new Cd on...OH my god what a pile of poo that was I have heard better music in a lift.
Oh well his choice..

We then had an hour to get ready to go out for the evening with stockycubz and another friend,i'm so glad Tim came..And not just as it meant I didn't have to drive...Well not only because of that.

As we were running sort of late we decided to give the Kings Arms a miss..Big mistake after reading Mr piggies blog..lol

Instead we went to south central,we were so early the place was more or less empty except for a sad old poof who was letching over everyone..(it wasn't me)

I was having a lovely time ..Until my EX walked in but to be fair he kept to one side of the bar and we to ours..
Then just as I had decided that the evening wasn't ruined in walked...
The friend who I had decided was no longer a friend and so chose to ignore...So far so good..
Til he thought it would be a good idea to come over and try to talk,I took the option of pretending to not see or hear him..Yes I know very adult..

The lovely FLM tried in vain to talk to him and not make it look so obvious,this didn't work and now ex friend got the hint and walked away..
I then felt a lil bit guilty and FLM pleaded with me to go over and make things OK...It did cross my mind,but as I would only have been doing it for the FLM it seemed the wrong thing to do...Best to let sleeping dogs lie I think..


Friday, September 17, 2004


So Bungle and I had a date last night...We went back to that restaurant where he fell down the stairs and injured his pretty little self....And the main reason for going back there was that we had received free tickets for meal based on the extent of Bugles vast array of injuries.
No sooner than we had been escorted to a small table Bungle demanded to be moved as he 'was not happy' with the table. The mild mannered waiter then took us to a small nook and made sure we were out of harms...and the publics...way. Seated next to us was a couple who, by the end of the evening, wished they had been seated on the table Bungle was unhappy with.

Now for those who dont know my little foibles...well I have two phobias...one is Moths and the other is crabs/lobsters. Yes you can see where this is leading cant you...what does Bungle order for his main course....?


The bloody thing was laying on his plate....looking at me the whole of the meal...and being phobic about such things I found it very difficult to take my eyes off it (just in case it made a last lunge at me). This my lovely Bungle found hilarious as he shovelled the contents of the Lobster down his screech.

It was his tactic to have just about everything that was the most expensive on the menu...I was a little more concerned than him as I could not believe that this was all going to be on the house....and to my delight ...it was !

The meal was lovely..despite my steak coming from the kitchen almost still with a pulse....they did sort that out for us though.

We made our way home after considering faking Bungle with a fish bone in his throat in an attempt to get another free meal...even HE did not think that was a good idea.

Now anyone who has travelled with Bungle on public transport will know what I am talking about here...
I have 3 children and its enough to say that I would not tolerate behaviour like his from any of them....
He insisted in laying full stretch across 3 seats...he did put his feet on a STOLEN book from the restaurant...more of that in a minute.
He insisted on saying in a loud voice..'I AM BORED' and pointing and laughing at members of the public who were unfortunate enough to have joined our carriage.
THEN he wanted Chocolate......and at this point things got much much worse. Along comes Mr Sensible...much like a Mr Bean in an ill fitting sweat shirt and asks Bungle to move his legs as its very unsociable....Bungle does reluctantly and Mr Bean sits himself down and then......
packet of...
Poor Bungles face lit up and he made very loud reference to how delicious they looked and how he wished he had some....all to no affect. Mr Bean shoved em in his mouth and ignored him finally turning to Bungle and starting a conversation about the evils of the UK and how obviously GAY Bungle looked.....oh dear....

It was a long Journey.

Now as to the book....Bungle could not resist stealing it from the shelf next to our overloaded Lobster ridden table...it was called ESSEX CURIOSITIES....I will leave the rest to your imagination.

All in all a lovely evening and one to remember

Thursday, September 16, 2004

Why do i bother!

I take ages to think of something interesting to say on my near daily blog,and get maybe a handful of comments..

I write a test piece that I forget to remove and get 38..The only conclusion I can reach is that I really am as dull as ditchwater...

Oh woe is me ...

Well anyway today is my big date with the FLM,we are going back to the lovely restaurant where I made a complete fool of myself by falling down the stairs,they have invited us back to entertain tonights guests..For free I hasten to add.

So it is with some trepidation that we go back.

I'm hoping that it will be a lovely night!

And im sure it will be how can it not be when im with the lovely FLM


Tuesday, September 14, 2004

Photo Shoot

Well I have now got a subject to talk about...

In November of last year I was approached to do a photo shoot for Freedom condoms,now those of you that have seen me will be aware that having me on a condom packet would ensure safer sex..im enough to put Valentino of sex...

But I did the shoot (topless) and had a great time in the process,and have to say it was a big giggle seeing my face etc on condoms in various pubs clubs I go too.

Anyway (piggys fave word) Today I got a call asking me if I would like to do a new shoot for a different thing and I wouldn't have to be nude etc..Big result..LOL

So after initially saying no..I thought heck why not so now on Saturday morning I shall be at Camden Town being a model for the day..Naomi Campbell eat your heart out..

Sunday, September 12, 2004

Why am I neurotic?

I must be the most insane person I know....And I know lots of insane people..(hello piggy)

I have spent most of the weekend thinking that my relationship with the FLM was in imminent danger of ending,so I like a mad man decided the best course of action would be to get in first and dump him..

But then thought that maybe the best idea would be to talk to him..What a novel idea for me an actual grown up relationship..This is a first for me.

So I opened my mouth and said what was worrying me and he him etc..
and low and behold all sorted and no need or reason to end the best most normal stable relationship I have ever been in.

And so i will go to sleep a happy ole poof..lol

Saturday, September 11, 2004


This is my first blog in a few days im not sure why,I just haven't thought of anything I have needed to say,and I know that most of the stuff I write is drivel..(thanks piggy).

So today will try and be profound....

Ok... That didn't work..

I feel slightly low key today im back in my own place for the first time in 3 weeks and have to say it was nice to sleep in my own bed,as it is a lovely big comfy thing that sings to me as I sink into it..

I have got some bits and pieces that I need to do indoors and shopping at tesco to do,then im gonna just veg with some scooby snax in front of the TV and let my mind wander..

The FLM is having a day with his youngest son,then his daughter tomorrow,which will be lovely for him.

I may pop out with the lil piggy later if he remembers where I live...


Wednesday, September 08, 2004

Bloody blogspot

For the second time I have wrote a whole bloody blog and then crash blogspot crashes..

So ok will try and remember the gist of it...

Have not blogged since Sunday for various reasons...
One the FLM has had a friend staying and he has been here all day and boy was he hard work..Spoke very lil and just smoked,ate and surfed...
I think he was amazed at the rubbish I watch all day..
He finally left on Tuesday..phew.

It being Tuesday we headed of to vauxhall for the lines and bears dancing...

My evening consisted of drinking several pints of Stella artois..mmmm
This was ok..til we headed home then I realized that I was a tiny bit pissed,and became very loud and very giggly..Oh dear
At one point I feared I was gonna throw up,thankfully I didn't..
Once home the giggles continued ..Poor FLM had to get up for work and all I did was laugh and demand sex,like some demented banshee..

Today I got up and had a lovely clear head..(sorry FLM).

Tonight we are going to see 2 flats..Which is always fun for me..Not sure the FLM has as much fun...Oh well...LOL

I will promise to try and be nice and polite to the estate agents and homeowners..
I did say TRY!

Sunday, September 05, 2004

Hectic weekend

Today is the first day I have had a chance to update the blog,we have had Ian staying with us since Friday,and its been as always a real pleasure we did nothing but eat drink and laugh....

Friday seemed to go by in a blur, we finished the evening in the Kings Arms,and the first people I saw were 2 of my least favourite men in the world so I made usual one word greeting and moved on,only to bump into the third least favourite person and this one I couldn't escape,he then bored me all evening with his tales of having some sort of vibrator inserted in his penis..(yuk) and how he was shagged whilst on special K..I prefer muesli...

I did try to be pleasent for as much time was humanly possible as the FLM feel sorry for this person...I don't..But in the end I had to do my usual trick of walking away and leaving everyone else to talk to him.

Saturday morning...Nothing much happened ..In the afternoon we took Ian to our fave pub on the river for a few drinks , then came home and Ian got ready for xxl..FLM and I made our excuses not to go..im sure Ian will say more on his blog...

Sunday..We took Ian in to Staines..What fun for him..And dragged home round PC World while the FLM tried to make his mind up on what laptop to buy...And big surprise he made a quick decision on what one he wanted...I was very helpful and only tried to sway his mind a couple of times...Im sure the staff were so pleased that I was there to advise them on how best to do their job,they were so happy ...When I left..I cant think why..im sure when FLM next does a guest blog he may have some ideas...
He brought a wireless network kit and I said no worries I can set up a network for us...And to everyone's surprise..Though of course not mine...I did it..

Evening we took young Ian to the station and headed back for a swift pint on the river,then home for us to be sad ole gits to play on the new laptop and network.

Hello FLM here full of Sainsburys Soave....who said I aint sophisticated...
Well what a great weekend..our Son was here visiting, young Ian, I think he had a lovely time and visited some of the nice places London has to offer...Kings Arms and XXL to name but two....hes a sophisticated kid too...just like his daddy.

Its back to Line Dancing on Tuesday and it will be good to catch up with the crowd who go...especially the git who complained about us having a good time....

Bungle made me buy a new laptop today and wirelessed me up the ying yang...he did an excellent job and barked orders at me and Ian for about 45 minutes....but he did it ! So this rabbit hutch I live in is wire free....amazing....I even sat in the garden and surfed...oh what will technology throw at us next...Pot noodles north of the Thames?

Sonny is speeding northwards as I type this and I must say we will miss him. He is a lovely son to have around and the three of us had a very good laugh all weekend.

My eldest is after V tickets for next summer....so if any of you bloggers know a cheap way to get them please let us know?

Well all in all a great weekend....now for the down side of it....I have a mate coming back from Holland....he is staying here tonight...its a long story...maybe a blog on its own? Bungle has him here all day tomorrow....I will make a mark on the side of the Gin bottle....friend flys back to Amsterdam on Tuesday....pass me the Vallium someone....


Thursday, September 02, 2004


We were invited by a friend of mine to help celebrate his birthday at a nice restaurant in Covent Garden,the invite said that he would be putting red/white wine and water on the table and if anyone wanted drinks other than this they were to be paid for at time of ordering..
So being the simple soul I am I assumed this to mean that said wine was paid for by the host...

Oh dear....

We had only been the 5 minutes when someone needed me to move ,now those that know me will be aware that im not a small man...
And we were seated upstairs on a balcony type thing(I wasn't happy about that).
And the steps were very dodgy.....And yes I miss stepped and fell down 4 foot and hurt my calf and shoulder big bruise and cut to leg...Not one of the staff asked if I was ok etc..
And as I only knew the host and one other person felt very silly and wasn't about to make a fuss....

Then the bill arrived...

The set menu that we all had was £22.50 So FLM and I assumed that would be all we would pay and tip of course..How wrong we were ..The bill came to £40 per person..So I felt slighty duped as the way the invite had been worded it looked like drinks were paid for..If this had not been stated it would have been fine..Others had thought this too.
So of course the FLM paid up being the lovely man he is without any fuss...Even though he had not even met anyone there before.And had only 2 glasses of wine the whole evening...Thankfully me being a bit of a lush did manage to get more down my throat..Though not nearly enough to cover the bill..

This morning I had given the evening a lot of thought and rang the restaurant to complain about the lack of concern that someone had had an accident whilst there..
And have now been told that myself and FLM can go back for a free top price meal and drinks on the house..So that eases the pain....Slightly..

Wednesday, September 01, 2004

Fed up

I spent ages doing todays blog only to find it not loading so am not happy and so wont be doing it again!